Today is Thanksgiving, and I feel horrible. Not sick, but just bad. But before I get to that, I should mention some things that have happened lately, because they are sort of important.

- my sister is home from college for thanksgiving break. She actually got back last Friday, but since I haven't posted, I guess you all wouldn't have known that. But yeah, it was nice having her home for a few days.

- my sister now has a boyfriend! The minute I found out (via Facebook, at school--on my lunch break) I was immediately jealous of her. I may complain about my sister like she is a total jerk (which she is, most of the time) but she truthfully is living a better life than I am. She is 3 1/2 years younger than I am and she is more independent and more sure of who she is than I am. I am 10 days away from being 22 years old. I have never had a boyfriend. I constantly put myself down. I have little to no faith in myself and I still don't even know what I will be doing with my life in the next 5 years. I am lost, in other words. I don't get to hang out with my friends often because of school and even when I REALLY REALLY want something, I don't just go for it. I make up excuses. I am the definition of safe (as in the bad kind of safe). I am a backseat driver, yet I don't drive a car (because I'm too scared). I might as well get the letter "L" for Loser tattooed right on my forehead.

I AM beyond jealous of my sister and her boyfriend, whoever he is. She will not let us meet him. She describes him as someone who never talks and doesn't really do much. I know for a fact that she is lying. My sister is the queen of lies. I can't belive half the shit that comes out of her mouth. She's even said that she hardly ever tells the truth....how the hell are we supposed to trust her?!

-last night my sister went "out to dinner" with this kid. I was still coming home at the time, but he picked her up at 6PM. At 12 Midnight she still was not home. The girl is 18, so she technically has no curfew, but come on! I texted her once (I didn't really want to disturb her, as jealous as I was) but when she didn't respond, I got worried and called her. No response. I was really starting to worry. She had been out for 6 hours--supposedly eating dinner!!! I was in tears and yelling by the time mom called her and finally got a hold of her. If there's one thing that my sister doesn't have it is responsibility. How could she just expect us to think she was ok. She was at her boyfriend's house watching a movie. When she finally came home, her idiot boyfriend parked his LOUD car in the cauldesac which is right behind my headboard. He sat there for like 5 minutes before my sister even came into the house. My head was pounding and spinning. I've never been so upset and full of bad emotions. I just wanted to go drop a wrecking ball right on his car. I yelled at her and then I went to sleep.

-Today was awkward. I spent the morning in my bed prentending to sleep so I wouldn't have to hear about the stupid date or talk to any members of my family. I finally got up, my mom started to get angry at me because I was "ruining her Thanksgiving". I told her why and she was still angry but understood. I didn't really talk to my sister the entire day. She's only here until Sunday so I guess I should make the most of the time I have with her, but I can't. She just doesn't seem like my sister anymore. She is away at college now having boyfriends and according to her swearing like a sailor. I feel like I'm trapped in some sort of vortex where I don't change. I like when things stay the same. I feel like the same person I was in high school. Maybe other people see differences, but I don't. I still feel like Emily the super-cautious, goody-two-shoes, loser, nerd that I always was. At this rate, I will never have a boyfriend.

I definitely love those Cadbury Creme Eggs. Always have, always will. Also love the malted milk eggs and those eggs with the chocolate center and candy shell. Delicious! Pretty much anything chocolate is good.

What I don't like are those Marshmallow Peeps! Ugh. I. CAN'T. STAND. MARSHMALLOW! And I used to get them for Easter all of the time until I started complaining about them. Yuck. I have no idea why those are so popular.

My first day of 2009 was ok. The best part of it was going to see Yes Man, with Jane. That movie was hilarious. And even if you are a straight girl, like myself, you cannot help but fall in love with Zooey Deschanel. She's just adorable!

But all in all, I'd have to say that winter break 2008/2009 was a bit of a let down. I didn't get to hang out with most of my friends and I was trapped in the house with my family for about 95% of the time (thanks to the 2 ft + of snow that we had, which all melted one day in nearly a flash flood of rain)...which is annoying considering one of them has to be angry about something at all times.

and guess what, Monday, I have to start spring semester. Great...

I hate to be a downer, but I seriously have not felt this depressed in a long time. :(