Today is Thanksgiving, and I feel horrible. Not sick, but just bad. But before I get to that, I should mention some things that have happened lately, because they are sort of important.

- my sister is home from college for thanksgiving break. She actually got back last Friday, but since I haven't posted, I guess you all wouldn't have known that. But yeah, it was nice having her home for a few days.

- my sister now has a boyfriend! The minute I found out (via Facebook, at school--on my lunch break) I was immediately jealous of her. I may complain about my sister like she is a total jerk (which she is, most of the time) but she truthfully is living a better life than I am. She is 3 1/2 years younger than I am and she is more independent and more sure of who she is than I am. I am 10 days away from being 22 years old. I have never had a boyfriend. I constantly put myself down. I have little to no faith in myself and I still don't even know what I will be doing with my life in the next 5 years. I am lost, in other words. I don't get to hang out with my friends often because of school and even when I REALLY REALLY want something, I don't just go for it. I make up excuses. I am the definition of safe (as in the bad kind of safe). I am a backseat driver, yet I don't drive a car (because I'm too scared). I might as well get the letter "L" for Loser tattooed right on my forehead.

I AM beyond jealous of my sister and her boyfriend, whoever he is. She will not let us meet him. She describes him as someone who never talks and doesn't really do much. I know for a fact that she is lying. My sister is the queen of lies. I can't belive half the shit that comes out of her mouth. She's even said that she hardly ever tells the truth....how the hell are we supposed to trust her?!

-last night my sister went "out to dinner" with this kid. I was still coming home at the time, but he picked her up at 6PM. At 12 Midnight she still was not home. The girl is 18, so she technically has no curfew, but come on! I texted her once (I didn't really want to disturb her, as jealous as I was) but when she didn't respond, I got worried and called her. No response. I was really starting to worry. She had been out for 6 hours--supposedly eating dinner!!! I was in tears and yelling by the time mom called her and finally got a hold of her. If there's one thing that my sister doesn't have it is responsibility. How could she just expect us to think she was ok. She was at her boyfriend's house watching a movie. When she finally came home, her idiot boyfriend parked his LOUD car in the cauldesac which is right behind my headboard. He sat there for like 5 minutes before my sister even came into the house. My head was pounding and spinning. I've never been so upset and full of bad emotions. I just wanted to go drop a wrecking ball right on his car. I yelled at her and then I went to sleep.

-Today was awkward. I spent the morning in my bed prentending to sleep so I wouldn't have to hear about the stupid date or talk to any members of my family. I finally got up, my mom started to get angry at me because I was "ruining her Thanksgiving". I told her why and she was still angry but understood. I didn't really talk to my sister the entire day. She's only here until Sunday so I guess I should make the most of the time I have with her, but I can't. She just doesn't seem like my sister anymore. She is away at college now having boyfriends and according to her swearing like a sailor. I feel like I'm trapped in some sort of vortex where I don't change. I like when things stay the same. I feel like the same person I was in high school. Maybe other people see differences, but I don't. I still feel like Emily the super-cautious, goody-two-shoes, loser, nerd that I always was. At this rate, I will never have a boyfriend.

...yes it goes on an on, my friends...

- My grandpa is still alive, but he's not in great health. He's still at the hospital. He has been kicked out of his apartment at the assisted living place because he can't go back there anyway. He can't walk and apparently he wants to get a pace maker now for his heart. I honestly, don't think he can handle another surgery. But everyone says that putting in a pace-maker is just minor surgery. I have my doubts, but I have the right to be pessimistic. I mean, simple knee surgery is how this whole ordeal got started. Oh, and did I mention that we're the one's paying for his pace maker. He has no money, so somehow it got dumped on us.

- We're getting new windows on Wednesday. That's costing us thousands of dollars as well.

-And just this evening when I was going to make my microwavable dinner because I get home so damn late because my class doesn't get out til 5:15, the Microwave decided to just die. So now, we have to buy a new microwave.

I'm so freaking angry about so many things right now. It probably makes no sense to anyone else why, but seriously FML!!!

I got off the train this evening, and got in the car and the first thing my dad tells me is that my grandma and great grandma were in a car accident down in Missouri where they live.

My grandma was driving my great grandma home from the hair salon, when some lady who had no idea what she was doing ran a red light and smashed into the front of my grandma's car, completely taking it off! THANKFULLY, niether my grandma or great grandma were harmed! Both had to go to the hospital to check for any internal damage, but both are completely fine.

This could have been a lot worse, so I'm SO thankful they are ok. The car, is totaled, though.

And yet another reason why I'm afraid to drive. There are plenty of idiots on the road.

So my sister already hates her roomate at college with a passion. I've probably mentioned this before, but her roomate is a friend from High School. Apparently, she has been friends with this girl since Sophomore or Junior year of High School. They've always been good friends. Not best friends, but good friends. My sister helps her with her homework and when the time came to go visit U of I, she brought her friend along with to see the school and to register.

But my sister and her are two completely different people. Her friend/roomate was born in China, but has lived most of her life in the US. She speaks in both English and Chinese and isn't hard to understand, but she does have a lot of unusual Chinese mannerisms that we don't usually see here in America. Her parents run a Chinese restaurant and are not home often for her and her 3 siblings. But she, being the oldest, is forced to take care of them a lot when her grandparents (who also live with the family) can't. It's a stressful life. She usually stays up late into the wee hours of the morning be it a school night or not.

My sister lives in a home where someone is pretty much always home with her. My dad is retired so he's always there for fatherly support and advice. Yet still, she has a short temper but most of the time knows her place when an argument occurs. But she holds grudges and she holds them for a long time. She always goes to bed (not necessarily to sleep) at 9 PM, on the dot. She gets good grades and does her homework, in fact she enjoys it. She loves school and she loves doing things. If she is bored, she is unhappy. She doesn't relax unless she's sleeping. She is contsantly on the go, but she likes it that way.

Here's the problem. My sister's roomate/now former friend is keeping her up late at night with her phone calls and her having all the lights on and her Chinese soap operas (yes, I didn't know they existed until now either). My sister is lying in bed trying to sleep and this girl is on the other side of the room watching soap operas (without headphones) on her computer with the lights on. Then her phone rings and has really loud conversations with whoever is on the other end. She doesn't even think about my sister who is wide awake and cannot get any sleep. She is being completely inconsiderate and rude.

Today, we all got on skype to talk with her (while her roomate was out) about how they need to come to a compromise. That is the only thing. I mean, her roomate obviously knows that she's keeping my sister awake. She needs to leave, go to the commons area and watch her shows and talk on the phone then. Tomorrow is the first day of school and my sister is constantly exhausted. She's had to live with this for 5 days now and she has had enough. I don't really blame her for being mad, but I'd want her to be an adult (I mean, she's 18 now) and talk things over in a civil manner with her roomate. They don't have to be friends anymore, but they have to abide by eachothers rules when they are living together. This girl needs to realize that she is being completely inconsiderate of my sister's feelings and grow up also. I'm sick of hearing my sister mention stabbing her.

My sister is moving into her dorm today at U of I. They had to leave before 5 this morning because my sister wanted to be there around 9 when move-in begins.

I know that I seem like I complain about my sister a lot on here, and I do. I also complain a lot about my job. But that doesn't mean I don't love it. I love my sister as well. I was there the day she was born, in fact, that is my earliest memory--not just of my sis, but of my entire life. We've always had our differences, but there have been things that we've agreed on as well.

Of course, there are a few things I'm glad I won't have to deal with now that she's away at school, like having to tell her to be nice to my friends whom she doesn't like for some reason (it's probably because my friends take my attention away from her and she likes attention), having to deal with her "Kaiser Chiefs" turrets (don't ask), having to sacrifice almost every weekend because she gets mad and doesn't want to do anything...the list goes on of her annoying, little-sisterly habits.

But there are also reasons why we need her: she always can fix the computer, unless the hard drive crashes or something, she can fix it. She takes care of the dog (like letting her out at 12 am, cleaning up all of her indoor messes, walking her, etc.). Without her, all of those jobs are our problems. She's usually the comic relief we all need. I can see us now as just a bunch of dead heads. Me having to go back to school with my ho-hum kind of attitude, mom with the same ho-hum attitude towards work but with added anger, dad in his retirement boredom with his added depression. Yeah, it'll suck.

Luckily now we have skype and a webcam so we'll be able to chat with her.

It just sucks, though. I mean this isn't just about my sister. I'm going to have to say goodbye to a lot of people in the next couple of weeks. Goodbyes have always been tough for me since I'm so emotional about everything. 

So my grandparents are visiting this week from Missouri. They're in town for my Aunt's 4th of July party in Wonder Lake on Saturday. They brought their dog, Dirk, with them. Dirk is this huge Gordon Setter, and he's usually really nice.

Anyway, my mom went over there (to my aunt's house) to visit them today after work and apparently she was petting Dirk or something and he bit her and punctured her hand (whatever that means?!)!! Seriously?! So now my dad has to drive all the way to Wonder Lake, get mom, and drive her to the hospital. And then, my sister has to get my mom's car and drive it all the way back here.
 
Whenever my grandparents come up, they always cause some sort of drama, which is why we don't exactly look forward to their visits. I know that's a horrible thing to say, but if you knew my grandparents, you'd understand. They're crazy.

I'm so sick of all the shit that has happened within my family this summer. This was supposed to be a good summer. I get to see my old friends. I get to relax and not worry about the train and school, and Chicago. I get to work and make money for myself. Why is everything sucking so much? I've had two deaths, my mom was already in the hospital to have her Gall Bladder out, I was sick for an entire month, now my mom has to go back to the emergency room so she can get stitches or something. She'll be there for hours. I seriously hate that dog right now, and you can bet that I'm not going anywhere near him ever again.

I seriously hope that when I go to the Renaissance Faire, it doesn't turn out to be a disaster like everything else has. I guess I really shouldn't hold my breath though. Something always goes wrong.

UPDATE: Mom is fine. She had 3 stitches and her hand is all wrapped up in gauze. She's furious about the dog (don't really blame her there) and my grandparents are sorry about it. Mom refuses to go to the party on Saturday, so now it's just probably going to be me and my sister, who is only 18 and was told (BY MY MOTHER) that she could drink as long as she wasn't so drunk she fell over the fence. She'll be the designated driver too. Long story short, FML. My family is painfully annoying and I want a new one.