It feels like all I type about in here is sad, horrible stuff. I hate to say it, but there's more...

I found out Tuesday night that one of my good friends from school passed away. She was in a car accident. It was the first time I found out about a death via Facebook. I was in such a state of shock that I couldn't stop shaking. It's just hard. She wasn't a friend I knew for a long time, but I just met her last year. We had intermediate life drawing together and I thought we were a lot alike. I actually learned a lot just sitting next to her in class, looking over at her drawing board. I feel like she left a little piece of herself in my artwork. This summer, she decided to not attend the Academy and to pursue a career in child psychology at NIU. The last day of school last semester was the last time I ever saw her. I'm upset that I didn't get to know her more and I'm still in shock that she's gone. She was so funny and we would hang out in the painting room sometimes when we both had breaks and just talk about random stuff. I missed her before when she decided to transfer to another school, and I miss her even more now that I know that I will never see her again. She was a great friend and I will never forget her.

My grandpa is still not doing well, but he is still hanging in there. He is moved into a nursing home now - the same nursing home that my grandma was in during her last days back in May. My sister, who is at college and hasn't seen my grandpa in months, called him up at the nursing home the other day because she was worried and wanted to talk to him. When he answered, he was so out of it he just mumbled a few things into the phone, said goodbye and hung up. My sister then skyped my parents and was crying because he had made her so worried and upset. 

I am hoping for things to start looking up. I hate being like this, all depressed and sad. I'm not that type of person. I'm hoping for the holidays to come and go and be as wonderful as they've ever been. I want to see my sister because I miss her so much! I want to just have a week, at least where I can stop worrying and crying, and hiding in my room with the lights turned off and just LIVE! I want to be happy and I want to be free of this dark cloud that has been following me around for weeks.